Believe it or not, supporting and celebrating other women that look like me didn’t always come as naturally to me as it does now. I didn’t always understand why that was, but today I know that it’s due to a few things. One, I didn’t grow up with a close relationship to my mother. Our dysfunctional relationship and the disappointment I felt stemming from our relationship started me off with a negative perspective of other women. Secondly, I was bullied by girls that looked like me in elementary and high school. Also, as an adult, I’ve had my share of negative interactions with women from being ostracized to being betrayed. Those combined experiences caused me to put up walls to protect myself from the pain that being in the presence of other women so often caused me. However, behind those walls I still had a deep desire to connect with the kind of women who could restore my faith in female relationships. No matter how much I tried to hide it or deny it, I still wanted to have women in my life that I could count on, be inspired by, and grow with.
Although putting up walls seemed like the best choice to guard my heart and maintain my sanity at the time, I was still miserable behind them. I learned quickly that life gets really lonely when you spend your days trying to keep people from getting close to you. Instead of giving each new person I met the fair chance they deserved, I lumped all women together. Instead of giving women who had given me no reason not to trust them the benefit of the doubt, I assumed that at some point they’d disappoint me like all the ones before them. I am so glad I came to my senses, started my healing process, and chose to turn my pain into power.
One thing I am proud to say about myself is that if I really want something, I will get it. Regardless of what I portrayed on the outside, deep down, I wanted to be surrounded by genuinely kind, supportive, and success-minded women. So, being the self-aware and empowered woman that I have since become, I made the choice to stop allowing past experiences keep me from manifesting the life I truly wanted. Thus, Women By Choice was born, and if you ask me, it was one of my best decisions to date. By choosing to acknowledge my problem, determine where it was stemming from, and do the work necessary to stop allowing it to negatively affect my life, I found my purpose and created something that has not only opened doors to opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, it has also positively impacted other women and provided me with what my heart has craved all along… positive and mutually valuable connections with women I call my sisters.
Whatever you’re struggling with, within you is the key to resolving it. You have the choice to continue hurting or start healing. I didn’t want to keep being the kind of woman who hesitated to connect with and support other women so I woke up one day and changed that. I practiced being the kind of woman I wanted to be until it came naturally to me. I intentionally pushed myself out of my comfort zone over and over again until being the kind of woman who is slow to clap for other women’s accomplishments became a distant memory. As women, not one of us is born jealous, insecure, hateful, or envious. It’s often our environment and experiences that make us that way. As children we may not have known any better and couldn’t control the circumstances that were negatively impacting and influencing us, but as adults, it is each of our responsibility to not make excuses for behaving in ways that are more harmful than helpful and choose to overcome our challenges so that we can become the women God created us to be.
If you need assistance with overcoming your past experiences and turning your pain into power, schedule your one-on-one empowerment coaching session with me here. You can also read my book, She Wins: The Ultimate Guide for Women to Gain a Winning Mindset and Lead a Winning Lifestyle.